Sunday, 6 September 2015

3 LESSONS FOR HAPPIER RELATIONSHIPS




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I have always loved trying to help people with relationships as strange as this may sound. If you have read some other posts about me then you will know that I have been interested in animal behaviour since I was young and still to this day I will watch animals and questions what they might be thinking or feeling, and I think because of that it has made me just as interested in human behaiour. From a young age I remember getting told that I was quite a deep person and seemed more mature than many my age and therefore being told that I would make a good councillor or therapist. I have no idea why this has been the case if I'm honest. But it has lead to me wanting to write this post. 


I find that relationships always seem to be the trickiest thing in life yet they should be so simple. They can be the greatest thing or the worst. They can make lives and destroy lives. I got out of a relationship last year with someone who was my best friend. It was the most simple, relaxed and fun relationship I could of asked for. I have always been quite a laid back person, I didn't let things bother me easily and I always try to look at things from the other persons point of view which always help me to understand and rationalise a situation. Towards the end of the relationship I didn't do that anymore. I would put pressure on him to spend time with me, I would hold back my feelings about situations that would make me lash out later at something stupid and just basically turned into a bit of a crappy girlfriend. The more I acted like this the less he would want to spend time with me (who would want to spend time with a person like that?) and then I would get wound up again for acting so annoying and for not spending time with him and it just escalated. I was sure he didn't want to be with me anymore but told him that I wouldn't be the one to end it, I wanted him to be honest with me and break it off and I would accept that. After eventually finishing it myself I then got into another relationship not long after (I swear that relationships aren't normally my thing!) and I was put in my ex's exact position in my new relationship making me understand everything that had happened in my first relationship. 


Since these both of these relationships I have learnt three, what I feel are, massive lessons in relationships and ones I will always try and live by from now on - 


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ONE - Don't put too much pressure on relationships. 

I don't mean just with your partner but with any relationship in your life. I put too much pressure on my boyfriend to telepathically know what I wanted, to want to always spend time with me, to do something romantic and that is what led to my anger. I was angry that he wasn't doing things that I hadn't asked for. When I turned it round in my head I knew for a fact that I wouldn't just know what he wanted without him asking and I knew that I would of been so happy for him to just ask me if he wanted me to do something. I have done the exact same thing with friends and family. I don't like confrontation and I don't like people knowing that something has bothered me so when someone has done something that has hurt or upset me or if I am feeling lonely I have tried to cover it up which has then led to me expecting them to apologise or to ask to spend time with me and I have inevitably gotten upset when they haven't which has put stresses and strains on many relationships. A lot of disapointment in life can be avoided if you don't expect (at least not too much). I could of avoided them all if I have not expected these things but instead just been honest with them, which leads onto my next lesson. 



TWO - Be honest and open. 

Okay so this sounds like an obvious one, but yet it seems to be one that people don't take seriously enough. I don't just mean, don't lie or cheat or whatever else people might get up to but I mean be honest about how you are feeling or what you want. Most feelings are passing, not one is supposed to stay, they are fleeting and will change from minute to minute but when you feel a lingering emotion about something then confront it. Many times you will believe that it won't last or that it's stupid and you don't need to deal with it and many times that will be true but there are occasions when that isn't the case. I am quite a closed person and kind of enjoy hiding my feelings because it makes me look like such a fun and happy person to other people but in the end it ruins my own happiness which makes it sooo not worth it. If you have a problem with someone or something or are feeling lonely or upset, tell someone. If there's a specific person in the situation then tell them how you are feeling, it doesn't need to be a big deal or become an argument but just let them know what's going on with you and more often than not they will be thankful for your honesty and they will come through for you. I promise you they would much rather prefer this than for you to blow up at them on a later date because you have let it build up inside you. Just like you would prefer it if the tables were turned. 



THREE - Why will we allow things for others that we wouldn't allow for ourselves?

We allow, in fact love people being honest with us yet we won't allow ourselves to be open and honest with other people because we don't want to bother or burden them. We allow and think its perfectly acceptable for people to ask us for things yet we don't allow ourselves to ask others for things. We allow and feel trusted if people cry in front of us or share their problems with us yet we don't think its ok for us to cry in front of people or annoy people with our problems. We don't allow ourselves enough things in life. Things that will help us be happier and make life more enjoyable for us. We worry too much what other people will think rather than thinking about ourselves. Its ok to be selfish, infact at times its a great thing to be selfish! The outcome of you doing so? Your happier and you feel closer to you friends and family because you have shared things with them. And if someone doesn't like it? Then sod them. You don't need people in your life that don't want anything but your happiness.


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I am in no way, an expert in this department and some of you may relate to this and some of you might think this is utter jibberish. Everyone learns different lessons at different times in life and you can learn about many life lessons that only truly make sense decades later when you go through a situation where the lesson comes to light. To be honest this post is just one of those selfish things for me. I enjoy talking and writing about life and so I thought I'd share my thoughts with you guys. Thanks for reading and sticking with me through all that rambling. Also get in touch and share with me any lessons you've learnt over the years. 


If you like this post then check out 12 LESSONS TO HELP YOU LIVE LIFE


2 comments:

  1. Such a great post! Love your writing.

    XO
    Molly
    www.trendychickadee.co

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  2. Thank you Molly!
    That means a lot, half the time I think I'm rambling on!
    Jazmin x

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